Talk:Lune Crackham
Just a few concerns about the article here. While the basic premise of a highly respected Imperial Guard officer is just fine, there are a few things that need to be toned down in order to keep this out of Mary Sue territory. Firstly, I read in the Crescent Elites page that he apparently looks down upon the Adeptus Custodes, and reports directly to the High Lords of Terra. These are both honestly absurd, as the Adeptus Custodes are vastly above and beyond the combat abilities that anyone in the Imperial Guard could ever imagine achieving, being the utmost warriors in all the Imperium, second to none. Additionally, the only Imperial Guard rank known to report directly to the High Lords is the Lord Solar, which Crackham is not. At best, Crackham would report to the Lord Commander in charge of the Segmentum his regiment is based in, and even this is unlikely, as he would more likely report to a Sector Lord or some equivalent rank instead. Secondly, it is nigh impossible that the Alpha Legion would reveal that they are actually loyalists to someone as lowly as the son of some marginally important Imperial Guard officer. And then there's the fact that in canon we don't even know for certain if the Alpha Legion really are closet loyalists or not. I would suggest having the shotgun handed down to him from a friend of his father or something similar, rather than treating it like some kind of revered artifact instead of simply a family heirloom as it should be. Third, why are Lune and Miri immediately accepted into some special training academy rather than being interrogated or simply outright executed by the Inquisition considering that they just bore witness to a battle between the Alpha Legion and the Thousand Sons, and were also helped along by several Traitor Astartes? What qualifies them to be accepted into this academy? Additionally, you talk a lot about stealth and espionage but never explain how that works. How would he gather intelligence on, say, the activities of an Ork Warboss? Would he somehow blend in amongst the Orks? Would he somehow sneak past the ridiculous amount of Orks that a Warboss would undoubtly have surrounding him? You need to elaborate on how this espionage and stealth fits into the warfare of the Imperial Guard and the 41st Millenium, as well as how it works. That's all I have for now as I'm quite tired, but if I find/think of anything else I will add it here on this talk page. '»Anonymous ONI agent« [COMMS] ] 05:05, January 26, 2017 (UTC) * Well yeah, I just changed the Custodes and the reporting to Senatorum Imperialis part. * They do that primarily because of the artifact they guard is used by his father who survives having contact with the artifact. That earns their respect as it is mentioned that all those who try perish in but a mere moment. Since his father was actually thralled by the artifact,(will mention that later) who used him as a pawn to make Lune come to Cadia, the marines believe that his father must be chosen to guide their mission and as such, reveal themselves to Lune, believing that he is the key since his father/the artifact told it. And Those Alpha Legionnaries are more like rebels among their kin, as the marine says "Do not confuse me with my traitor brethren outsider, we are nothing like those corrupt idealists who listen to xenos." saying that they are not the Alpharius that believes xenos/cabal, but rather the Alpharius who fights for the emperor. * Alexius adopts them. Also witnessing Miri's capabilities, he wants to hone them into perfect warriors. Pulling in a lot of favors, the old Commander manages to make them enter his own regiments academy. * Will add that. --Lune Crackham (talk) 09:33, January 26, 2017 (UTC) *Alrght, great. *Then this needs to be elaborated on further. Why do the Alpha Legionnaires want this artifact? Why do they believe Lune is the key to it, even in spite of the circumstances regarding his father? How are the Alpha Legionnaires able to recognize Lune? Additionally, the Alpha Legionnaires should be much more cryptic about who they are and why they are helping Lune. *Fair enough, but it needs to be elaborated on in the article. *Sounds good. One more issue I found while browsing through the page this morning is that of trying to build a regiment to try to "fix the Imperium". There are a multitude of issues with this, most importantly of which is that the task is just straight-up impossible. The internal bureaucracy of the Imperium is so incomprehensibly vast that no one save for the Emperor himself could ever possibly hope to unfuck it, and even that would take centuries to do. Corruption is ingrained so deeply in the Imperium's government that removing it would mean fundamentally restructuring the Imperium, a task so monumental that for any mortal or group of mortals to do it would take hundreds of lifetimes to complete, and that's assuming that everyone is just okay with them doing this, which would never ever, be the case. Then, there's the fact that Imperial citizens are indoctrinated to believe that the Imperium's way is the only way, something which would need to be undone in order to see much of the corruption hiding beneath the Imperium's surface. Undoing this indoctrination would take many, many years of disillusionment, and even then a person would probably hide this disillusionment for fear that Imperial officials or god forbid the Inquisition find out what kind of thoughts they're harboring. Finally, there is the question of why a task as monumental as the fundamental unfucking of the Imperium would be left to a group as seemingly arbitrary and insignificant as an Imperial Guard unit. This bit honestly makes no sense, and I would suggest removing it entirely. '»Anonymous ONI agent« [COMMS] ] 13:42, January 26, 2017 (UTC) Well Anon, by fixing the Imperium we are not talking about an entire revolution here. The Crescent Elites are officially conscripted to act as the "front line intelligence operatives" for the Imperium of Man. Their hidden purpose, known only to Lune Crackham as it is a secret, is "fixing the Imperium". They are not trying to make the Imperium a noblebright place, free of corruption and incompetent bureaucrats, but rather, fighting off corruption in smaller ways and using their influence for the benefit of the citizenry. Example is when they are deployed to a world to help the Imperium hold control, they also commit other acts to ease the people's pain. They do not openly act or attack the corrupt officials, but "accidents happen" to help people of Man. So no, this is not some sort of a small group changing the fate of the Imperium, but rather a small group fighting to preserve the old Imperium, the Imperium it's emperor intended to build, with their own small ways. That's how they "fix" it as I never mentioned a huge power change or anything like it. It's like a side job of getting rid of chaos worshiping fools rather than openly leading a revolt lel. By the Way I'll improve and add more parts about the Rogue Alpha legionaries I planned, and Elaborate Alexius' relationship with them further. --Lune Crackham (talk) 13:57, January 26, 2017 (UTC) Instead of that be an official mission or anything, I would instead say that Lune tries his best to help out where ever the Crescent Elites go. For example, my character Egon Talorus tries to help make life better for the common people of the Imperium where ever he goes, but this is not because it's his mission or anything like that, but merely because he feels it's right thing to do. However, something you have to take into account in this is that the character has to be able to accept the things he can't change, or at least have consequences for when they try to change something that is above their authority to do so. For example, an Astartes or Imperial Guard officer would not have the authority to execute a corrupt planetary governor or Inquisitor; if they did do so, there would be grave consequences. '''»Anonymous ONI agent« [COMMS] ] 16:59, January 26, 2017 (UTC) I see. Well it is not of course Lune's mission, however he strongly believes it as his duty, pretty much like Egon, I'd say. However, even though I agree that executing such a person openly will have grave consequences, Lune never commits such an act "directly". These "accidents" also show a dark side of Lune as well. But I see your point and adjust my writings accordingly if I see a similar situation. --Lune Crackham (talk) 17:19, January 26, 2017 (UTC)